Loud Whispers With Joseph Edgar – THISDAYLIVE

Desmond Elliot: We Lost, But Won Hearts

       It was something else in Surulere this past week. The establishment came out in all their violent finery. They opened up their full arsenal. Everything, including the kitchen sink was thrown at Desmond Elliot. The actor-cum-politician dared to go against the system as personified by the graying overlord. They said after three terms, what else are you looking for? Your overlord has said he doesn’t want you, so step down. You plotted Obasa’s downfall but Desmond said no. He leveraged precedence; the overlord was in the House of Representatives representing the same Surulere for a marathon tenure. It was only this appointment where we hear he is just a roman figure on the mantle that saved Surulere from his grasp. Desmond fell on a clean democratic ethos of allowing the people to decide when to step out and push his ambitions.

Then agbaya things started to happen – massive intimidation, threats to his life by withdrawing his security, threats to local government workers who support him, pulling in mercenaries into Surulere, barring his people from accreditation, thereby stopping them from casting votes.

All of this seen in clips Desmond himself captured and sent out to Nigerians and the world. At the end, they got their way. Their candidate beat Desmond with the kind of margin only a corrupt process can throw up.

People have been wondering why I am supporting Desmond despite my very rich pedigree in anti-establishment activism. They say, “Edgar, you are not a member of the APC, you do not belong to any group. Wetin concern you?”

Oya, let me answer now – it is never about Desmond but the quest to free our democratic process from the very painful grasp of inherent godfatherism. Oga said we should Babasope. Why must one old man sit in his bedroom and after being given a shoulder massage now decide our fate? Once the Baba talks, everybody will fall down and just agree. Mbok that is what I am utterly against. My spirit abhors it and I will never agree. So anywhere I find rebellion – democratic rebellion –  no matter how tarred, no matter the person, there I stand.

So far, all my candidates have failed. I don’t mind, one day we will win and at that point, the domino that is our current system will fall and we will be free to choose our own leaders by ourselves. Till then, all I will say is who next will get my support because this is a marathon.

We lost but we won because the flame of dissent is still burning, even though in a weakened flare, it sha is still burning. What we saw in Surulere has given us hope. Thank you.

Cubana Chief Priest: Failure in Its True Perspective

This fellow crashed in a spectacular way at the recent primaries in his Orlu Constituency. Pascal Okechukwu better known as Cubana Chief Priest and who started his career as a bar man, we hear, got only 14 votes out of thousands that voted.

His loss is very symbolic as he represents a new crop of arrogant young leadership that his bosses had thought were ready to upturn the old guard and install a social media-driven type of leadership on the system.

They had launched the City Boy Movement all over the country, perfectly positioning it side by side with traditional structures. They pushed loud and glitzy campaigns featuring arrant displays of wealth, public giveaways positioned as philanthropy but which the public saw as handouts, and launched a fleet of crested vehicles on a society where minimum wage ensured minimum living. The ostentatious mode of campaign could only draw spectacle – you know that thing we used to call  America Wonder – pulling out impoverished people to join long queues in expectation of the ever-present bag of rice to curry their support.

Pascal was the poster boy of this movement – loud, brash and wealthy. He carried on like an emperor and went into that contest with great confidence and came out of it with mud splattered all over his chubby face. He blames it on the elders of his village but remains unbent. He is of no consequence to us as he represents a very temporary blight in our national ethos. All these will soon be over. It’s just a matter of time. Thank you.

Focus on Seyi Makinde

At times like this, one will just be looking at the governor in pity. He is chief security officer of his state by name only. Has no command over troops. Police report to a federal authority, the intelligence community don’t even see him but when things like this latest violence happens, everyone calls his name.

If you have not seen the video of the slaughtering of the Mathematics teacher in Mr. Makinde’s state, please do not make any attempt because you will be traumatised. I watched the video and saw things in the man’s eyes that keep haunting me.

 His school children and himself were abducted by bandits and since we have not responded in any responsible, credible way, the kidnappers responded by “slaughtering” this man in the most barbaric way they can think of. They recorded it and posted it for all to see.

I think we should all just pause and recalibrate. Are we still a nation? Are we still an enclave of proud people? Why should these things continue to be happening in Technicolor and we are still going about as if everything is normal? Are we normalising this thing? And we have leaders, armed forces, police and an intelligence community?

Tears beget a nation. Nigerians cry without cease because we do not have leaders, what we have are caricatures with no iota of concern. Kai!

Rotimi Amaechi: Ambition Comes Before Pride

I saw a clip of Rotimi Amaechi angrily walking out of a house and entering his gleaming black SUV and driving himself off. They say he was storming out of David Mark’s house in indignation after they allegedly told him that he should step down and be running mate to the legendary presidential contender, Atiku Abubakar.

While all of you were running after that news, I was examining that clip very closely to make sure it was not a brothel he was coming out of. I watched it over and over again, hoping to see any telltale sign. My investigations remain inconclusive as I am still watching the clip even as I write this morning.

But seriously, it is beginning to look like juju is involved, because how can I sit down in this Shomolu and know for a fact that Baba Atiku will not step down for anybody, no matter what happens. And very experienced politicians like Obi and Amaechi were flocking to his party with the hope that they could somehow wrestle him down.

It is funny. In fact very, very funny. Obi saw the red light a little bit early and jumped ship. Amaechi is just seeing the light after Arsenal just won the title and then stormed off to the nearest beer parlour.

If not that we are trying to save this country and as such we must take the mission with all the seriousness it deserves, I would have laughed so much that my neighbours would wake up from the raucous noise.

If Amaechi crosses his chest and tells me that he felt very strongly that he had the tiniest of chances to grab that ADC ticket when Atiku still can have an erection, then I will point out a very lazy and unserious politician to you.

And if that is the case, he should go and sit down because the Presidency of Nigeria, especially at this time, is not for clowns. He should go and open a law chamber like Dino and be handling domestic violence cases. Thank you.

Sim Fubara: Soldering on Clay Feet

I think it is my inexperience that is causing all these problems. I have to go and relearn and retool, especially in spotting heroes and backing them. My record in this guise has been very poor as everyone that I have chosen has failed very spectacularly.

None more than this fellow with the big eyes. He has just pulled out of the APC contest after carrying us on a yeoman’s journey and making us believe that he had the spine to withstand the tsunami of an overbearing warlord who is not even in his party.

How someone will stay very far from you and still beat you up in such a silly way beats the imagination. This one just wear him bowler hat and confused us. He had first stepped in the ring with confidence, threw some strategic punches, made relevant noise and we thought that our David had finally arrived and that with one sling, would help us slaughter the Goliath.  From there, all the Goliaths in our country will all fall down with collective stones on their foreheads.

Little did we know that this was a cartoon character with clay as feet. The first blow was the suspension of his government and the humiliating terms he agreed to come back. From there, it was just downhill, culminating in this expected but still very shameful and humiliating exit at the primary level o.

Kai, I wish him well. He should go and open a school where he will be coaching WAEC candidates because that is his temperament, I tell you. Kai, a lost hope.

Saleh Mamman: A Fugitive Comes Home

The EFCC Chairman was gloating and rightly so. The agency had “caught” a fugitive. The former Power Minister after bagging a 75-year jail sentence for sundry offences bordering on misuse of public funds and others decided to do a Saddam on us.

They say he went into hiding and it took all the training that the EFCC operatives had taken to fish him out of his hideout in Kaduna.

They were so happy that they had caught him as they displayed him like price hunting for the cameras. In handcuffs, they made him carry that infamous board where they will put your name and offence with a huge EFCC logo on it.

When I saw all of that, what came to my mind was the statement credited to the late President of Nigeria, Muhammadu Buhari. He reportedly said, “Look, everyone take care of yourselves because when I am gone, nobody should come to me and be telling me to protect them o.”

So you see that post his regime, he was a very wise man. It was not out of stupidity that he was saying “I am not aware.” He knew what was going on and since he did not have the power or intellect to stop it, he went to hide under the  “I am not aware” mantra.

What is going on with this Mamman fellow is exactly as Buhari had envisaged and that is why he used to shout “I am not aware.”

We are now very aware, and thankfully the EFCC and the courts have also been made aware. Na wa.

Ifeanyi Okowa vs Ned Nwoko: What I Saw

Let me gist you guys o. I saw two lines in one bush place like that. It looked like a village somewhere in Delta State and they were supposed to be voting for either of the two candidates contesting there.

The candidates were the EFCC-challenged Ifeanyi Okowa and the Regina-challenged Senator Ned Nwoko. How the people of that region came about these two out of the obvious credible candidates that they could have  thrown up will form part of my PhD thesis when I finally decide to go back to school.

The line representing Okowa was filled with a lot of potbellied men and scraggly women who did not look like they had eaten for days. Anyways, they all stood and nobody fainted. The line was really long o and they all looked very enthusiastic as they stood where they were told to stand.

Then Ned’s line had only three people. I am sure maybe his domestic staff or something like that. Obviously Okowa was declared winner and Ned took his protest to ARISE TV.

Mbok, how this will pan out is not really my concern but what is making me laugh is how a sitting senator can emerge with only three votes in one voting pool. An experienced political big wig like that? That is Dele Momodu and Chief Priest territory o. Kai, something has definitely gone wrong. Nemesis? Mbok no call my name o. Kai.

Frank Edoho: Why We Are Silent

My brother, please let me tender my apology for keeping silent since your matter of adultery came up. You see, since our hands are not totally clean, we cannot come out very strongly in support. You know that talk about “skeletons in the cupboard and those who live in glass houses?

You see, we cannot strongly defend you before they go and release our own. This is why we have been silent and will remain silent till the thing blows over.

I have a secret advice for you: stop talking bro. The more you talk, the more you fuel the thing. You are the man, you are the bigger boy, take it on your chin, send a message to your ex-wife, stating, “Babe, for the sake of the children, I am sorry, let bygone be bygone and just lay low because the next thing we will see will be your hairy buttocks in public.”

Please, my brother, don’t tell anyone that I sent this advice. Just keep it between us because we too are in hiding. We don’t know who has our own recording. You know this thing about adultery is a case of the “person dey catch” since we are all in this business. Stay safe my brother. Please don’t call me or tell anyone you know me o. Thank you.