Loud Whispers with Joseph Edgar – THISDAYLIVE

Bola Tinubu: A Prediction is Unravelling 

Mr. President has had a good run. Since coming back from Chicago, he has built one of the most expansive political empires on the continent. What he has built, I can safely say, is unique and cannot be compared to anything else in Africa except maybe the one built by Chief Obafemi Awolowo. Other political empires on the continent were built with violence, military dictatorships and all what nots. But this one, although it has its own smattering of violence in the form of thuggery and a large dose of intimidation, still has very credible pretensions towards a democratic ethos.

This structure has seen him first capture Lagos, then the South-west which he used to forge alliances with other blocks to capture the country. Today, what we have is an unidentified political system, very unique to Nigeria and the “BATIST” movement that has not been seen in any political science textbook.

It is looking like a democratic contraption with a mix of monarchy and spirituality. It is then horned by some level of feudalism, with tribalism as the fuel that oils it.

There is no need to waste time doing any research to see if this form of political system was identified or projected by the fathers of democracy –it even has its language, “Bala blue” with strong ethos built on “Emilokan” and “Baba sope” philosophies.

Well, he has tried. Over 30 years, the empire is now beginning to show signs of wear and tear. The seeming feeling of helplessness in tackling insecurity for one, the lack of control of some powerful elements within the system,  the continued economic challenges and finally the electoral process that will inevitably disenfranchise millions of Nigerians are debilitating signs of overheating.

It’s only a matter of time. We have passed the point of “if” and are now firmly in the region of “when.” The sad thing is that I personally love President Tinubu. His doggedness, his resolution to forge beyond the earlier challenges of life that would have brought down many to emerge as President/Commander-in-Chief of these 200 million strong people, can only be commendable.

But it is very clear that Daddy has bitten much more than he can chew and can only just watch as the empire bursts at its seams from the many issues, both internal and external, that continue to chug at it.

President Tinubu has tried and must be given a nice place in history books for his effort, but where we are now, the empire, like every other one before it, has reached its sell-by date and must also go the inevitable way of its predecessors. My prayer is that history will treat President Tinubu kindly for his inspiring run, because truly, he has really inspired me – dropping from the sky and building this from almost nothing? Mad!

Babajide Sanwo-Olu:  A Quiet Time to Talk

I had a private session with Governor Sanwo-Olu at his official residence in Marina during the week. I had met him at a function during the Muslim festival and had requested to see him – when do you want to come? He asked.

As I was ushered in, I noticed the calm and quiet of the residence. No crowd, a splattering of policemen, few aides and a feeling of just spiritual calmness.

He looked well, smooth faced, lovely glassed and some kind of gentle handsomeness. Not this my kind of handsomeness but the Yoruba one. He looked fresh and rested but his voice showed his tiredness and his gait also showed the need to rest,

I sat across him in the inner room. The conversation was both animated and deep. He started slow and later brightened up and we had a wonderful few minutes together.

After it all, Hmmmmmm I smiled, stood up, and shook his hands and walked away.

I really do like him, his energy, seeming clarity and passion to do well have always been the attributes that have dragged me to him. For him and Ambode, they remain those two that keep making me ask God – if there were only two good people in Sodom (APC) would you still destroy it? And God is delaying in sending the answer. May be he is waiting for his tenure to end. Sanwo-Olu is a good man.

The Scales Fall Off Pastor Enoch Adeboye’s Eyes, But…

Now I have to pick my words. Not because I am afraid that the Almighty will fly down and strike me for “touching his anointed,” but because he has one major follower who is a former First Lady that I love to pieces, and does not like anytime I come heavy on Daddy.

When Daddy comes out with one of those his funny statements, like drinking tea with God, or holding the exchange rate with prayers, and I slam, she will not talk to me for months, and I will feel bad. So no matter how Daddy provokes me, I used to sha ignore him and carry my wahala go somewhere else.

But this time, I have really tried to ignore, but the thing is just pushing me, so I will beg my mummy not to vex. Just this once. After this one, I promise, I will not come near Daddy again.

Whoever wrote that speech does not like President Tinubu. Daddy proclaimed in his best Safari suit. I saw that one and waka pass. Then he slammed again – Service Chiefs should go if, after 90 days, they cannot solve this insecurity problem.

Well, this is a classic case of refusing to see what is in front of you. So you see very clearly but choose to be in denial for whatever reason. Daddy is looking very clearly at President Tinubu but throwing blame at the speech writer and Service Chiefs. Mbok, if allowed, he would soon blame the caterer inside Aso Rock ooo. Everybody to blame but not the Commander-in-Chief with his 160-strong motorcade and the most powerful first son Africa has seen.

Even as I am writing, my fingers are shaking before they come and say I have touched the anointed. But unlike him, who is staring at President Tinubu very clearly and instead firing at employees and people who take orders, I will face him squarely: Daddy, stop playing games. If you can’t take aim and shoot straight, go and sleep or do something useful with your time. Thank you, you may come and beat me.

Primate  Elijah Ayodele:  Truth  to  Power

Shebi it was this one that was accused by the former minister that he had asked for millions to buy candles to make sure he wins election. Every time, he will be sending out prophesies and putting fear in people’s minds – six governors will get gonorrhoea this year, the president will have apollo this year, Nigeria’s First Lady will get a toaster, and she needs very serious prayers to avoid the temptation, and Chike will get HIV for sleeping with a married woman.

Me, I used to sha ignore and not bother myself with his tomato and pepper predictions, but this latest one that I have just read, I agree with him o.

He was quoted as saying that our governors, with their increased revenues, are just spending the same on women. Kai, kai, kai. This one is so true o. Not only women, but also everything else. Their states are suffering with dilapidated infrastructure, health crises, education in cesspools and growing threats of insecurity, and yet they live like Emperor Nero while their Rome burns.

The other day, I witnessed one. One South-west governor exiting a party was accosted by some females, and one of them said:  “Your Excellency, anything for the girls?” And pronto, One Million Naira cash was thrown at them. So that is me wondering how much would be budgeted daily for that kind of giveaway. I am sure that on his way out every morning, he would tell his Chief of Staff, “Oya, put N100million in a bag as pocket money. We may have a flat tyre on the way.” Kai. Nigeria we hail thee.

Folashade Tinubu-Ojo: The Iya-Oloja in Proper Perspective

Mbok, I have not been paying attention to this Iya-Oloja since she exploded into the scene.

Aghh she is beautiful o. I just saw a clip of her and gasped My image of Iya-Oloja, especially the ones we grew up with in Shomolu, was that of an old, scraggly woman with shrivelled-up skin. Flat breast, brownish teeth where there are teeth but mostly no teeth and browned finger nails from snuff

So when they have been saying Iya-Oloja since morning, I will hiss and go

Even all the controversy that came with her ascension and up to the one in Benin, I didn’t even bother to look at her well o

That is how I saw her complaining about how people are rushing to the Justice mandate because of Hamzat

That clip first caught my attention but it didn’t hold it well. But the one that I just saw now, I stared at it well.

This Iya-Oloja is sexy o. Aghhj big eyes, even complexion, round and curvy.

The way she was speaking and displaying nice jewellery on a very elegant hand and the way she was looking, I was just staring at her eyes as she was speaking ehnn.

This one is very far from Shomolu Iya-Oloja o. This one is very beautiful o. She was abusing one Oshodi, that one was very rude and someone in the crowd said he was from Cotonou, and Iya-Oloja said shiorrrr

Kai, the way she said that shioor ehn. She blinked her eyes, she reminded me of Eno, her lips pursing into an attractive smile, and the word came out very smoothly and I followed the shior with my eyes.

Mbok, I didn’t know that this Iya Oloja is fine like this o. I have been carrying her papa’s eye and be looking at her oo.

Let me describe her from what I saw. You know those Yoruba socialite women at the average owambe party

When KSA starts singing or Obey, they will eye themselves, stand up in a group open their wrapper and tie it well, adjust their Iro and headgear and carry face up and strut very appetizingly towards the stage.

They are usually rotund, nice backside, nice light skin, nice jewellery, with designer frames and beautiful bags and when they get to the stage, they will start swaying and weaving as KSA will be shouting – ma fo wa kan be yen, Ijo lo bami jooo daddyyyyy

Kai, that is how this Iya-Oloja is looking o. Very demure and the way she speaks her Yoruba with so much panache, so much diction if there is anything like diction in speaking the Yoruba language

Mbok what is her status? Is she married, is she single, does she have children, what exactly is her story because this is a modern-day Iya-Oloja that we could build a bridge on the Lagos Calabar road that will detour to  Oshodi to pick her up and take her straight to Etinan in Akwa Ibom

So APC had this on for a while and they have been throwing Obasa and the rest of the chimps at us

Please where do they register to join APC, I want to be in the Iya-Oloja constituency, we have postponed activism.

Please better warn Atiku and Obi not to come near me o, I will slap somebody oo. We are now firmly in the Oshodi constituency of the APC

Iya-Oloja of the world do you eat Afang? Kai, they will soon beat me o

Emeka Ike: A Stripped-Down Violation

If not for the seriousness of the matter, one would have really laughed. So if you have been living under a rock, let me summarise the gist. This Nollywood actor transferred his registration from one place to Abuja so that he could contest the elections, and one INEC official allegedly approached a robust ministerial spokesman on Facebook with the information. That one now gleefully but allegedly released all the information on his X account, causing major uproar.

INEC jumped in with a statement dissociating itself, handing over its official to the authorities, and the ministerial spokesman also questioned and may be charged, according to reports.

The ministerial spokesman and I belong to the same WhatsApp group, so I will not lay it on him just yet. And also, investigations are still ongoing, so let’s not jump the gun. But what I will say is that throwing that thing on X as reported could only be a symptom of the disease I want to call, “na we dey here”. Meaning say – nothing can happen. Shebi we as Nigerians are helpless abi? No worry, no worry, it’s only a matter of time. Thank you.

Gabriel Ogbechie: Let’s Down the Rain

My brother Ogbechie, at his 60th birthday party, committed two grievous offences. First, he mandated a dress code that saw me squeezing into a suit that I had not worn since Nicholas Nyamali sacked me at his investment financial services. Second, as I wandered around the expansive venue of the party, I did not see anything that looked like afang, but instead I was seeing people like Tony Elumelu, James Ibori, Emmanuel Udom, Johnson Chukwu, Ike Chioke and then Flavour was now on stage serenading the female guests.

When you have achieved what Gabriel has achieved in this life, building Rain Oil from scratch to a huge conglomerate with over 3,500 staff, you can bend over backwards and forgive him for forgetting to put afang on the menu.

At 60, Gabriel is truly the epitome of a “self-made” billionaire. The bobo has scratched his nails to build one of the most enduring institutions in this country, spreading its tentacles through varied sectors from oil and gas to real estate, finance and others.

Well done, bro, well done and a happy birthday once again to you. May you live long and continue to contribute massively to the growth of our country. Thanks.

Teni Stuffman: Let’s Lebara It

You know this my Editor does not travel outside his Okokomaiko abode and will not now know what Lebara is. Lebara, for those of us who are very sophisticated world travellers, is that SIM Card that you quickly insert immediately you land at the world-famous Heathrow Airport. Most Nigerians, unlike Editor, who are frequent travellers, would have used Lebara one time or another.

Thankfully, and through the very hard work of this lithe and beautiful Teni Stuffman, Lebara Nigeria is about to berth.

I met with her the other day at her office, where she talked to me about Lebara in such glowing terms that you would be forgiven if you no longer connect with the struggles she went through to secure the 5th telco licence, as they call it.

With an initial target of one million subscribers and a soft market approach, coupled with her rude determination and a wonderfully skilled workforce, Lebara Nigeria is poised to take the fight in that space to the giants.

Stay close as Lebara Nigeria begins its pointed inroad into the huge Nigerian telecoms ecosystem. Welcome ma.